July 1, 2007
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Comments…disparaging, defamation, or truth?
Well…the drama continues to unfold…
There are comments that have been made about my estranged husband, apparently using a name, that I don’t use to address him and comments about him were made that are clearly unflattering. His level of anger is extremely high and he is furious about what was said about him. One thing he keeps referring to is the comment “Officer Loser”, but nothing else – clearly there must be more – but even more than that – he is being exposed in a manner that sounds very ugly (although it might be very true).
He told me that he is going to get a subpoena to get the name of the member of the site and their email for posting defaming remarks…
Here’s some information from wisegeek.com:
The term defamation of character is often used to describe accusations of slander, libel
or both. Slander involves verbal derogatory statements, while libel
involves written ones. In a court of law, the plaintiff pursuing the
lawsuit would charge defamation of character to cover any form of false
or damaging allegations.Defamation of character is notoriously difficult to prove in court,
although the actual effects can be quite evident and damaging. The main problem with proving defamation of
character is the protection of free speech guaranteed by the First
Amendment. Courts generally agree that an opinion, no matter how malicious, is not the same as a stated fact.Clearly the comments and the website have him up in arms…perhaps he’s embarrassed, perhaps he’s humiliated, perhaps he’s ashamed. But now he is going to use his legal tools for his job to find out about something that is being said about him personally…I’m not sure where the ethical line is there, but since he has argued with me since last night about this, this clearly involves me as well.
I’ve made no mistake about my feelings about this situation, his choices, and the impact on my life and my children’s. I’ve talked about his lies and infidelities. I’ve talked about my choices, mistakes, and failings. I’ve used this forum as a means for support and catharsis. I will still continue to do so, because it does help me.
Should I stop because he doesn’t like something that is said about him? Does he have the right to use his position to intimidate or coerce someone into not saying something about him which may be true? I don’t know.
So…someone tell me….
Comments (4)
No, what he is doing is out of line. Perhaps he is acting out of embarrassment, and if that’s the case, good. He should be embarrassed. He should be a lot of other things as well. Since I am assuming most people who comment do not physically “know” this man, everything that is stated is opinion. As such, it is protected under Freedon of Speech. If he is so concerned about this portrayal and how he looks, then the easiest way to improve it is to stop the behavior that caused the comments in the first place. You said nothing about changes to his outlook, opinions, or behavior in order to modify this opinion of him. Instead, he lashed out, seeking to blame others for his conduct and for the way he appears to others. If his actions now are indicative of how he behaved during your marriage, this is extremely unhealthy for you and you are right to stick to your guns, as it were. As for trying to obtain email addresses and such, then what? Is he going to go to the person’s home? Attempt to sue them in court? Wait for them after work and assault them? To me, none of these actions appear able to solve anything. At best, it’s a venting of anger. At worst, it’s against the law. As for me, you can have all of my personal contact information. Send it to him in a little pink box with a biant bow on top. I am NOT afraid of him, his job, his friends, his bullying, his deceit, his lies, or his abuse. Been there, done that, got a lovely tshirt for my efforts.
He is clearly out of line. Your free speech is protected, and we are all allowed fair comment on the issues that arise here. This is clearly an attempt to intimidate you. He’d better watch himself because if he crosses that line where he uses his office purely for personal matters, he can face disciplinary actions from his department. If it goes on any further, you may also want to consider contacting the news media. They love writing stories about rogue cops.
I think you should do what you feel is right. It shouldn’t matter what he thinks. He is the one that messed up. Someone was just stating what they felt. Everyone has someone talking about them, and he should realize that, and just grow up. If the shoe fits, wear it, as I always say. If it fits for him…..
Ok…now that I have read all of these posts down to this point, I understand better what you are dealing with, and I believe I was correct in my comment on your slide show on who your husband was.
He seems very immature, and definitely manipulative; and definitely shows signs of a lack of ethics not only in the infidelities you mentioned, but in the fact that he abuses the authority given him to get information on people who disagree with his methodology. In order to resolve this situation, so you can get from under his thumb, and get the peace you need and deserve, you need to do a few things.
First of all, you are going to have to sit down with your kids and be honest with them about the situation. Of course, you need to handle this with decorum, considering their individual ages and levels of understanding. Explain to them why his behaviour is unacceptable on both a spiritual and practical level, and actively demonstrate this standard in your home at all times. You need to explain this to them, so that you can explain what manipulation is, and how to recognize it, even coming from people they know and love, like their father.
In addition, prior to doing that, you need to just give the situation to God. I’m telling you from now, that as soon as you do this, and start to feel some level of peace about it, the enemy will send him right back at you again with some new manipulation or attack. The enemy will try to get you to take this situation back into your own hands and deal with it. Don’t buy into that.
Most women just don’t understand how to get what they need from their spouses, and I’m about to give you the key.
Let’s look at the situation like a car. Your life is the car which you want to get moving again. You are fully equipped to make this car run properly and well. However, there’s a conduit between you and the power within to make that car turn on. You need a key to start the ignition and when that key is utilized, it causes the conduit to ignite the power within.
Ok…so the key is prayer…continual daily communication with God the conduit. You have to put that man and that situation on the alter every day, and leave him/it there without taking it back. Just sit back and watch God work.
This situation is a proving point for you. You need to decide, regardless of what you see, and regardless of his attacks and manipulation with your children, that you trust God first and foremost above all that your eyes can see physically. When he tries you, take your complaints right to God and leave them there. If you want to cry, cry on God. Trust me when I tell you…you will see unbelievable changes happen.
Put your kids and their understanding on the alter. Any thing that is troubling or concerning you; any thing that you want your husband or kids to know…ask God to reveal it to them…to make them understand the situation. I have told my girlfriends with hardheaded boyfriends or stubborn husbands…tell God what you want to see happen and sit back and watch Him go to work on your behalf. (Believe me…if I had the time to tell you my testimony…I’m actually going to be writing a book on it…it’s that in depth, but if I could tell it to you, you’d be shocked at how God will move for you, and remove that man out of your path, but you have to ask Him to do it. If you haven’t asked Him yet, that’s another thing you need to do.) If you are truely His child and seeking to serve Him with your whole heart, you will see results. Peace and blessings.