April 4, 2008
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Reality Check
Well…my daughter has been (hopefully) getting a reality check. I knew it would come and despite my warnings to her about the importance of focusing on school and not on social activities and boys, she did not put forth the effort needed to maintain a high GPA. I told her that her friends would be going off to four-year universities because they had the grades to get them there and she would be left behind, but I’m sure she thought of me as foolish, annoying, complaining mother and thought that I had no idea of what I was talking about.
After years of guiding, counseling, and even lecturing I knew that it would be her choice and although I implemented logical consequences based on her poor grades, I knew the natural consequences would catch up to her.
And they have…
She’s been applying to 4-year universities and honestly I didn’t think she would be accepted. I could almost recite verbatum the lecture I gave her about how her grades will not get her into the colleges she wants. She blindly believed that by applying she’d get into highly esteemed colleges. As much as I had hope for her, I would not buy into her statements to all that would listen, “I’m going to ABC College…”. I’m going? Yeah, I don’t think so.
Her dreams came crashing down to a harsh reality today. The college she’s pontificated about to anyone who would listen sent her a letter today. She was not accepted. This is not the first “rejection” letter, but its from the school she desired to attend the most. She watches their sports teams, doodles their logo on her notepads, and even bought a school sweatshirt. She came in with tears in her eyes and she was clearly saddened. I comforted her although I felt a sense of relief. I hoped that this will give her the eye-opener she needs to let her know that her grades need to make the mark. It’s not about being right. Who cares about that when you see tears in your child’s eyes? I wish I wasn’t and guess what? Her friends are going off to four-year universities just as I knew they would. She’s been talking about how her friends will be leaving her and the different colleges they will be attending. I could perhaps hear a hint of envy, but excitement for them as well. I look forward to her to going off to college one day. I know it’ll be exciting and an adventure.
However, right now, part of growth and maturity is pain and disappointment. We hope that we learn from our past choices and mistakes and move forward with determination, hope, and focus, but above all to get where we need/desire to require work and discipline. It means we need to grow up and do what we need to even when it’s hard and sometimes unpleasant. There is a greater reward.
Let me end this posting on this Friday afternoon with a couple of funny videos. Anjelah Johnson is a comedienne from my hometown in the south bay. She’s pretty funny and I thought she might give y’all a laugh…
Have a great weekend!
“Sa-curity!”
Comments (7)
That’s a bitter pill for her to swollow. However, if she learns her lesson at this point, it might be a turning point for her.
aren’t natural consequences the best teacher? If only parents today would let their children “fall” a little more often, they would learn better how to get back up and try again… on their own.
learning the hard way sucks, but she has a good support system behind her. thanks for sharing the videos. they were funny and it was really good to laugh.
*complex
she just doesn’t know why she wants to go to college, Karen. when she finds a true passion, she’ll have a reason to work toward it. some people find it in cooking, some in art, music……whatever rings her bells will rocket her into the path she’s supposed to be on.
i can’t listen to the videos because i’m at an online cafe, but kenwats, one of my friends here, put angelah johnson on one time imitating a vietnamese nail salon girl and it was omg funny.
thank you so much for always commenting my blogs. it means so much to me.
Oh no.
Please give her big hugs for me.
We must get together soon.
When I’m not dead broke.
We shall be homebodies for the next few weeks….
Karen, i’m so sorry. i know that is a big disappointment for both of you. please let her know we’re praying for her. i’m sure good will come out of this though, if at least an important lesson was learned. however, i know that isn’t much in the way of consoling her now.
even if molly continues to pull awesome grades, i think she may still go to community college for a year or two. it just makes sense for us both financially. increasingly more and more kids are choosing this options; even the kids from wealthier backgrounds. we could easily draw on the support financially of her grandparents or wealthy relatives who have offered, but she really wants to go to this one particular Christian college or a specific trade school, not to mention we would rather pay for her schooling by ourselves (even if we both have to work extra to do so). it also makes sense for us from the standpoint that she can get free – very cheap tuition (b/c of grades/class placement) while taking basically the same classes.
on the opposite side of the spectrum, i like your daughter, did not do so well in high school. i almost failed out of it (b/c of lack of effort/interest. perhaps paying for my own education and the special attention of smaller class sizes is what helped me turn my academic world around(my twin sister was at NIU with huge lecture halls and never even knew most of her professors personally..she said if she had it to do over again she would have gone to community college b/c she almost flunked out of college from partying too hard anyway). for the first time in my life i received straight A’s, and it afforded me the credibility to transfer to 2 very good schools to receive my bachelor’s degree, and then later my master’s. for me, it was a blessing i had to go to community college. if i had gone to NIU with my sister, i probably would have had the same disasterous results. she actually had to go to community college for a while to raise her grades up to a respectable level enough to transfer to a different college. she later went on to receive her MBA. So, I believe everything will work out for your daughter somehow. The awesome thing about God is that even our failures and disappointments can be used for His glory and our good. That I’m sure you are already well aware, dear one =)
God bless,
Jules
I am sorry to hear about your daugher’s upset. It must be hard seeing your children make their own decisions that you know may not turn out the best for them. Thanks for posting the video on Anjelah Johnson. I haven’t heard of her before and found her very funny.
I enjoy reading your posts~hope you don’t mind. I totally agreed with the one posted several days ago about finding a man that was first a man of God, knew how to treat and respect a woman, etc. That is what I am praying and waiting for myself! Have a great weekend.
Angela