April 27, 2008
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Relationships
I’ve been doing a great deal of introspection, growth, and healing in my life and specifically within the past few years. Life has lobbed many challenges my way, but who doesn’t experience that? Headache and heartache has been a common theme, however perseverance allows peace to triumph from time to time.
As I educate myself and continue to grow, I believe I’ve developed a higher level of insight regarding relationships and perhaps it wouldn’t have been apparent to me if I had not have gone through this difficult and painful journey.
At core, I know that I am a good and loving person. I can be in a successful relationship and have history to prove it to be true. I have resolve in maintaining my standards and I see my falls (failings?) happen when I don’t stand firm on the values I believe. I open the door for unnecessary drama and pain when all I desire is a “simple life” with a husband, my children, and love, support, intimacy, laughter, experiences, challenges, and living the ups and downs of life with them.
If you look back at any “failed” relationship, could you determine what happen? Is it that values changed; you were overconfident about it, not adequately prepared, or unrealistic in your expectations? Did you dismiss or devalue the other person? Did they take you for granted? Was there an egregious act such as abuse, deceit, or infidelity that set the course towards dissolution?
If a relationship becomes destructive, endangers our human dignity, prevents us from growing, continually depresses and demoralizes us and we have done everything we can to prevents its failure, are we masochists to stay? Do we enjoy the misery? Or do you realize that the relationship doesn’t have the components that it needs to and terminate it?
Are all relationships capable of being saved? What has to happen? Is there a way to move past the pain, make choices based in self-control, discipline, sensitivity, value, morals, and maturity and not hurt the other person? Can you co-exist?
There are so many people in the world that are so detached, noncommittal – who are too blind, too insecure, too manipulative, and too afraid to admit to their confusion and unhappiness and too caught up in ego to risk doing anything positive about it. It’s sad that they continue down a road that leads to isolation and it devalues themselves, but it is an intentional choice they are making. Perhaps they don’t have the maturity or courage to turn it around. Who knows?
Healthy and loving relationships and intimacy is part of sustaining a good and productive life. There is a positive way of relating that brings physical, psychological, mental, and spiritual well being.
Instead when people are struggling they detach, hide, blame, and withdraw. Some engage in meaningless sexual promiscuity. Others maintain a deep emotional distance in the attempts to avoid pain.
What a waste…of time, energy, and effort. We do have a choice to make. People like to claim to the contrary, but it’s often based in fear. Tomorrow is not promised. Do not boast about tomorrow, For you do not know what a day may bring forth. – Proverbs 27:1
No relationship is going to ever be without conflict. It’s juvenile and unrealistic to think so. If you fear failure, it may be likely because you don’t have the courage to do what is necessary to create a life of successes (whatever it means to you). We are all evolving in one form or another.
Loving relationships, though necessary for life, health, and growth, are among the most complicated skills. We should develop an understanding of how they work and what we can do to enhance or even destroy them. Why don’t we go on this study? Do we think that there is no reason for examination? Could we perhaps learn from our past and apply it to the life you are living now?
Trial-and-error over the long haul will surely yield pain and disappointment. Isn’t it worth it to invest in yourself, your partner, your children, and your life to take on this study? It may require you to face some harsh realities of choices and consequences. You may need to make amends and set boundaries. This journey could increase more security, joy, love, and success than you’ve ever imagined. It hasn’t always been pleasurable, but I’m confident that each step I take on this path will better prepare me for all of my relationships. I know it’s done so much for my life right now and it’s been a blessing.
Comments (7)
if ur talking about realtionships in general ia m rpetty bad at them i try but someone them just wind of blowing up in my face. i am to trusting. Ilet people in and then they wind up just dissapearing an dhurting me later on.
Now realtionships wih men. The one with my husband is the only one i can honestly say worth talking about. I have been with assholes abusive jerky men. I have learned and lookingback. I WAS A MORON! i mean a big blonde stupid moron lol. I love my husband now more thna ever becaus ei relized how bad i screwed up woith the wrong kind of man. he is the greatest
Wow, that was some really deep stuff to consider. Relationships are hard today. Other than God, couples really have very little to lean on when times get tough. The church often goes too far one way or the other while families, who in the past would have jumped in to try to help save things, are the first to say, “Why don’t you divorce the girl!”
I learned so much from this post and I regained knowledge of things that I once believed in.
Do you write self-help books? If not, you should. I’m sure you’ve blessed a lot of lives.
Thank you for writing this blog entry
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After a 30 year relationship of growing, learning, standing for the unity in “us”, I can say that the road, the path it’s self has been a lesson. I remember seeing Bill Cosby at a local venue and he said that the way he kept his marriage going was to go home every night. I laughed hard at this, but I agreed whole heartedly. Both my husband and I have been willing to grow and evolve daily at times, and that’s the secret to a lasting relationship. You need two people willing to participate, come what may. I feel extremely blessed, but also proud of the fact that we both get up and answer the bell each and every day. Excellent post.
I would so much rather to be lonely than irritated. but then, i get into the habit of self pity parties and want other people to join in and then it gets nasty. Took a positive step tonight and took that thing off at the head. I was having issues with a friend of mine and instead of retreating, she told me she was going through things which she couldn’t divulge. I get that. Boundaries are good. so i guess my question in the midst of this rambling, how do you develop deep relationships while still maintaining boundaries?
PS. Great Post.
Marriage relationships would last if both parties are committed for it to work. It’s a lifetime work of for better and for worse. My hubby and I started on a rocky and shaky full of pride ground, but when we put God in the middle of our relationship and followed God’s instructions about it written in the Holy Bible, our relationship changed miraculously. It was not an overnight type of a change, but a gradual one. One thing I’ve learned though is that one of us has to change first, according to what God has instructed. I’ve changed first my attitude and my character; it was hard work, but with God’s guidance, my husband’s attitude unraveled and ever since, I have not stopped thanking God for what He has done.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel for marriage relationships. When both parties align their thinking of how God feels about divorce, that light would shine and it would lead to the right path towards a successful relationship.
Great webpage brother I am gona inform this to all my friends and contacts.
Relationship Tips by Ryan Deck