May 14, 2009
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Being Aware
I recognize that my mind jumps from one topic to another pretty
quickly. I also realize that there are many tasks and issues that
require my attention. It can quickly become overwhelming and
stressful. My ability to accomplish those tasks are dependent on my
personal and professional management and focus so I can actually do
what needs to be done. I opened myself to support and help to build a
ministry that we could, as a couple, reach out to the hurting in our
area. I came to depend on it and as quickly as I became settled and
comfortable, the carpet was ripped from under my feet. Now I’m facing
challenges, including safety issues, that I wish I could talk to my
“partner” about. But…I can’t. He, as he said, “Did what he needed
to for himself.” That statement rings in my ears often.This is
when the playback of the past few months hits me squarely in the eye and
impales my heart. This is when I replay the countless times I stroked
his hair, dried his eyes, kissed away his tears, held him as he hurt…This is the time when I am painfully aware that despite my prayers the
anger and hurt I feel has not gone away. My struggle reminds me of
what should have been and how I was betrayed. This is the time when I
realize that my heartache betrays my intellect.So what do I do?
Matthew 5:44 – But I say to you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good
to them that hate you, and pray for them which spitefully use you, and
persecute you;I’ve
wanted to do that, but its much easier said than done. Especially when
it appears that their lives have moved on untouched, unscathed, and they
are not struggling. It appears that they didn’t care in the first
place which hurts even more. How is that right? What makes that just?Life
does goes on. This is just a season. I’m praying for a new season of
wonders and blessings. I believe my God will make it happen.
Comments (4)
I am so sorry you have had to deal with this heartache on top of so many others. You’ll get through this too and come out all the more stronger in the end.
He has no integrity or accountability, Karen, on top of hurting you emotionally. Picture how wrong it would have gone later on. He could have ruined you financially, etc. I always focus on the lack of justice, too, because it makes a person feel desperate and frustrated.
i’m so sorry you’ve gone through this. it sure grieves the heart. =/ you have repeatedly blessed when he has cursed. you may not see the good in your blessing him now, but God knows your heart. He knows what you’ve suffered.
and oh wow. this was EXACTLY what God called for today and it just hurt so much afterwards when things did not go as i had anticipated. i so needed to be encouraged by this post just now.
thank you so much Karen. wow, it’s amazing how God brings me to find exactly what i needed for this situation. thank you dear.
I’m concerned because you said safety issues. Are you going somewhere to help people, still, that is unsafe?