It
was a day of rest. It felt strange because I couldn’t overcome the
fatigue, so I succumbed to it…I allowed it to envelope me and take me
blindly through the day. A few moments my bleary eyes opened and
squinted against the bright sunlight. I quickly closed them and rolled
over to a cool spot on the sheets.
My mind, thankfully was
not filled with incessant ideas, thoughts, or worries as it usually
is. Endless mind racing is the culprit for my insomnia. It’s enough
to take away your sanity,but thankfully I’m still sane.
I
felt my week was successful and in one day I had a personal and
professional success that was meaningful for me. It demonstrated how
there has been some healing, strength, and emotional development.
I
saw…and saw that he saw…I walked in and out with no emotions or
feelings positively or negatively. That’s where love can go – no
where. It can disintegrate and turn into nothing, like it never
existed. That’s good to a certain level, perhaps. Why love someone
who doesn’t love you? It’s a waste of time, energy, and emotion.
Focusing forward is the goal. There are important aspects of life that need follow through.
Joy
and celebrations coming upon us. I can’t believe next week I’m
celebrating another birthday. I had hopes for something more and
different, but it was not meant to be. It’s another year gone by
without the dreams that I’ve hoped for. I suppose that’s why I don’t
make such an effort to celebrate my birthday. I haven’t had very many
positive experiences, but thankful for those times where people who
loved me have done nice things for me. I think really because they
know that my history has showed little appreciation or acknowledgment
for that matter. It was hurtful especially since I usually do so much
for others. I suppose now I don’t have expectations to avoid
disappointment.
So one day at a time… 
I look forward to spending the weekend camping with friends and family. It should be fun.
Comments (3)
hey there sweetie. i sure am praying for you. you sound very down and discouraged.=/
“I suppose that’s why I don’t make such an effort to celebrate my birthday. ” oh honey, i do understand that so much. thats been my experience for a long time too. then, this year it went pretty much unnoticed except for my daughter and one friend. i think you and i have been in a similar boat for a very long time — it’s sad when love disintegrates into nothing, so i am glad you are moving on also.
so yeah, one day at a time dear Karen. i hear ya. i do think our season will be changing though. it sure has felt like winter for a very long time, hasn’t it?
God bless you and Happy early birthday in case i am not able to wish it to you later.
love,
jules ((abrazos))
by the way, i really like your new profile pic….you’re totally rocking that bike! =)
I have to agree with YouTOme, you ROCK in that picture!