Well…my daughter has been (hopefully) getting a reality check. I knew it would come and despite my warnings to her about the importance of focusing on school and not on social activities and boys, she did not put forth the effort needed to maintain a high GPA. I told her that her friends would be going off to four-year universities because they had the grades to get them there and she would be left behind, but I’m sure she thought of me as foolish, annoying, complaining mother and thought that I had no idea of what I was talking about.

After years of guiding, counseling, and even lecturing I knew that it would be her choice and although I implemented logical consequences based on her poor grades, I knew the natural consequences would catch up to her.

And they have…

She’s been applying to 4-year universities and honestly I didn’t think she would be accepted. I could almost recite verbatum the lecture I gave her about how her grades will not get her into the colleges she wants. She blindly believed that by applying she’d get into highly esteemed colleges. As much as I had hope for her, I would not buy into her statements to all that would listen, “I’m going to ABC College…”. I’m going? Yeah, I don’t think so.

Her dreams came crashing down to a harsh reality today. The college she’s pontificated about to anyone who would listen sent her a letter today. She was not accepted. This is not the first “rejection” letter, but its from the school she desired to attend the most. She watches their sports teams, doodles their logo on her notepads, and even bought a school sweatshirt. She came in with tears in her eyes and she was clearly saddened. I comforted her although I felt a sense of relief. I hoped that this will give her the eye-opener she needs to let her know that her grades need to make the mark. It’s not about being right. Who cares about that when you see tears in your child’s eyes? I wish I wasn’t and guess what? Her friends are going off to four-year universities just as I knew they would. She’s been talking about how her friends will be leaving her and the different colleges they will be attending. I could perhaps hear a hint of envy, but excitement for them as well. I look forward to her to going off to college one day.  I know it’ll be exciting and an adventure.

However, right now, part of growth and maturity is pain and disappointment. We hope that we learn from our past choices and mistakes and move forward with determination, hope, and focus, but above all to get where we need/desire to require work and discipline. It means we need to grow up and do what we need to even when it’s hard and sometimes unpleasant. There is a greater reward.

Let me end this posting on this Friday afternoon with a couple of funny videos. Anjelah Johnson is a comedienne from my hometown in the south bay. She’s pretty funny and I thought she might give y’all a laugh…

Have a great weekend!



“Sa-curity!”

Tonight I went to an 80th birthday celebration of my cousin. It was held at a ballroom at a local hotel and it was filled to the walls with family and friends to share in the joy of the day. I met interesting people and distant relatives. My 85-year old Aunt was at the head table and likely the eldest person in the room. I hadn’t thought of having a celebration for her like that and now it’s on my mind. We missed the 85 year old milestone so perhaps we can do it for her 88th. Strange number, you might say…however…

In Biblical history, the number eight is represents a new beginning, or a new cycle. Circumcision was done on the 8th day and represented a covenant with the Lord. We baptized children when they are 8 years old. The number 8 is made up of 7+1. Seven symbolizes that something is complete. The number one means a beginning. When God destroyed all flesh upon the earth, He saved 8 souls to again repopulate the world. When the people were healed of their leprosy, the eighth day was the beginning of their new life, because on that day they were presented before the Lord. Jesus was resurrected on the eighth day.

Sounds interesting. 8 is my favorite number. Perhaps 2008 is a new beginning for me. New life, new love, new future…but…back to my aunt. I’d love to see something like that for her. I believe she might like it.

The evening was nice, but a little long. Throughout the night, there were many who spoke about their love and admiration for her. Their awe of her strength when she lost her husband, brother, and son in one year. Her perseverance with a variety of health issues, and their encouragement with watching her foundational relationship with the Lord. Several times she was referred to as a Proverbs 31 woman. If you don’t know what that is, find your bible and look it up.

There was a bit of comic relief, although I’m sure that wasn’t the intent…

This man was clearly reminiscent of Eddie Murphy’s character Randy Watson from the movie “Coming to America”. He clothed himself in all off-white, including a hat, big glasses, and long trench coat. His shoes should have had gold-fish in them. And…he strutted (not walked) in with a HUGE 80′s boom box. I, as well as others, couldn’t help but snicker. How embarrassing! It was awful. Laughably awful! He dedicated the song “My Girl”. The MC of the evening tried to truncate his performance several times and motion to the DJ to reach over and turn off his music or “cut off” his mic. Scattered jitters and laughter filled the room while he continued to sing. People started whispering to each other “Sexual Chocolate” and those of us who remembered Coming to America giggled. We were praying that he’d stop…but he kept going until the MC spoke over him. Once his performance ended the room’s applause increased immeasurably.

Your Inner European is Italian!

Passionate and colorful. You show the world what culture really is.

Today was a nice day to relax at home.  No reason to be out and about and it was cool enough to just enjoy the warmth of the home.  As I went through the steps of my day, I thought how wonderful it would have been to have a partner with me. 

I’ve found with talking to men that many deeply desire the things that many women speak of.  For example, one was talking about their desire to be married and proposed these promises:

To:

• 
  Love only you
  
• 
  A kiss every day
  
• 
  A hug every day
  
• 
  Open doors for you
  
• 
  Take you out 3 times a month
  
• 
  Some times start your shower for you in the morning
  
• 
  Massage you at night
  
• 
  Have a home to live in
  
• 
  Tell you I love you every day
  
• 
  Snuggle with you when where watching TV
  
• 
  Hold you in my arms when we go to bed
  
• 
  Give you flowers just because
  
• 
  Call you just to say I love you

Sounds pretty good.  Sounds great actually…I’d add a paramount point that has to be number 1…He’d be a man of God, of honesty, respect, character, integrity, and faithfulness.  There would be a healthy attraction and sexual bond which will enable each to honor one another with love and devotion.

1. He should be willing to put your relationship before all
others:

Genesis 2:24
For this reason a man will leave his father and
mother and be united to (to cling, stick, stay close, cleave, keep close, stick
to, stick with, follow closely, join to) his wife, and they
will become one flesh.

2. He should be a good leader:

Ephesians 5:23
For the husband is the head (metaphor,
anything supreme, chief, prominent of persons, master lord: of a husband in
relation to his wife of Christ: the Lord of the husband and of the Church of
things: the corner stone) of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his
body, of which he is the Savior.

3.  He should love you as much as he loves himself and be
willing to give himself for you:

Ephesians 5

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church
and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing
with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant
church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He
who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body,
but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church.

If you havent seen the lecture, it’s wonderful, emotional, touching, and inspirational. This has made it’s rounds on the Internet, he’s made appearances on talk shows, and spoken to many. My friend sent this to me and although I’ve seen it, it’s worth another look. Here you’ll listen to a man share what he’s learned and what’s truly important. It might give you a glimpse or reality check of what is really important to you.

Slowly the officer kneels down in front of the frightened 10-year old black girl. Her face is stained by streaks of dried tears and her lopsided pigtails have lost a few of their color barrettes. She tries not to shake and she tightly interlaces her fingers and clasps her hands together in front of her.

“What happened honey?” he gently asks.

His face is blurred despite his close proximity. Instead she clearly sees the stern and angry face of her father behind him. His dark eyes are piercing. His lips are drawn in a firm straight line. She would not yet realize the depths of pain she will feel if she says anything.

“Nothing…nothing.” she somberly whispers.

“Then why were you crying?” he prods.

“Because I was sad and had a bad day.”

A few moments of the delicate dance of question and vague answers revealed nothing of the chaos that transpired only an hour before. She knew she would not be protected if she said anything or attributed any emotion to recent events. So she stumbled over her words and took blame.

“I didn’t have a good day at school and I got in trouble. That’s all.”

She wanted to clutch her arms around the officer’s neck and plead for him to take her to a safe place. She desired to tell him of the brutal beating that left her younger brother with a bloodied nose and her with broken glasses with a cut across the bridge of her nose. The vision of her father holding her brother in the bushes with full closed-fists strikes made her shudder and she felt queasy. The sting from the back hand slap still rung in her head when she had attempted to save her younger brother.  But she couldn’t tell the warfare of pain and punishment was a regular occurrence. No one would believe that the family who was all smiles outside their home felt terrified of the man who was the head of the home. The position of father was really one of a ferocious controller who ruled the home with a hand ready to pummel at the slightest bit of provocation if any at all.

That has been a constant in her life as long as she can remember.  It’s been a long ten years…

I read this today and found it interesting and encouraging especially with the work and I and the challenges we all have in life.

Q: What do Depression, Anxiety, Fear, Worry, and Anger have in common?

A: They are all emotional responses that can be debilitating. Depression can result in a lack of hope and a lack of motivation. Anxiety, fear, and worry can result in a lack of confidence and an inability to make decisions. Anger can cloud judgment and break down personal relationships.

Emotions, in and of themselves, are good. God gave us emotions and a proper response to emotions should cause us to direct our hearts and our minds towards Him. However, our response to our emotions is often wrong. An incorrect response to emotions can result in being controlled by our emotions, rather than controlling our emotions. When this happens, emotions can become crippling and debilitating.

Depression, anxiety (along with fear and worry), and anger not only share similaries in that they are all emotional responses. I believe they also share similar causes concerning how these emotions can become crippling. In each case, the fundamental reason why these emotions become crippling is the same. The underlying cause is facing a reality (or potential reality) that you believe to be unbearable.

In his book Out of the Blues, Wayne Mack identifies three causes of depression. 1. A refusal to deal with sin and guilt biblically. 2. Mishandling a difficult event. 3. Clinging to unbiblical standards. I think the same three causes could be applied to fear and anger as well. In each case, the result leads to facing a current reality or a potential future that is thought to be unbearable.

The depressed person sees an unbearable situation, and is crushed by it. The fearful or anxious person frets over how they will deal with it. The angry person lashes out at the situation. The response is different, but the cause is the same. There is also a further underlying reason why people struggling with crippling emotions come to see a situation as unbearable. In each case, it can be traced back to a desire to be in control. A person may become depressed when they see that they cannot control the outcome they would like. A person who wants to control a situation, but does not know how (yet thinks they should be able to), becomes anxious. A person who lashes out in anger is trying to control the situation. Sometimes these three responses may overlap, and a person may experience more than one of these emotions. Anger and attempts to control a situation can be expressed passively also. A person who exhibits “passive-aggressive” behavior is attempting to exert control by giving limited control to another person and assigning responsibility to another person for their own actions.


Q: When emotions have taken control, what is the proper response?

A: It starts with a recognition that you are struggling to be in control of your own life. Without a willingness to let go of control and allow God to be in control (and trusting God with that control), none of the other steps toward recovery will be effective.

The next step is to identify the current reality or potential future that you find to be unbearable. What is unbearable and why is it unbearable? Once the situation has been identified (there may be more than one situation; in fact, there may be many–each needs to be identified and dealt with individually), there are only two possibilities. 1. The situation is not unbearable. 2. The supposed situation cannot be true.

I’m not sure which will be harder: identifying the unbearable situation, or believing the right things about the situation. It may take a long time to pinpoint the situation that seems unbearable. However, identifying the concern is necessary to gain an understanding of why the situtation is either not unbearable or not possible. Even when the concern has been identified, it may be difficult to know whether or not the supposed situation is truly possible or not. However, I submit that one of the two cases is true. Either the situation is bearable, or not possible.

Should the latter be true, recognizing that a potentially dreadful situation is precluded by God’s promises means that whatever situation you find yourself in is bearable. Recognizing that an unfortunate situation is bearable does not remove the hardship, but it does offer hope that it’s possible to have peace and joy in spite of the circumstances.

By focusing on these two possibilities (as opposed to focusing on the situation itself), the consequences of accepting and dealing with sin are seen to be bearable; the circumstances of a difficult event are seen to be bearable; letting go of values you have clung to is seen to be bearable.

I was talking to my daugher about a video between a elderly woman and a jerk in a sportcar. Grandma – 1; Jerk – 0

A neighbor of mine was in a car accident last night.  He was driving on his way home from work when his tire blew and subsequently his car careened into the freeway median.  Thank God it wasn’t fatal, however he sustained serious injuries and there is a discussion of surgey. 

His wife and their young 2-year old son were on their way to see him.  You can see her attempts to be calm, but the hint of panic shone in her eyes. 

My prayers are with him for healing and peace and calm for her. 

As she was loading her son in the car she said, “man…life is so short.”

Yes, it’s short, it’s precious, and not to be wasted.  Thank God he’s still alive.  Life can change in an instant.  I wonder…are we living the life?  Are we living our life?