Day one of training has completed.  It was a full day for certain!  I’m still not done with reading for the night, but I’m still going to plug along.  The hotel where I’m staying is nice although there was a challenge with checking in.  In addition to the nightly rate, they charge an additional $100/night for incidentials paid in full before they will let you check in (in case you break something).  Uh….I’ve been traveling for years for personal and business and I’ve never experienced that.  As you can imagine, an unexpected charge for 5 nights wasn’t something I anticipated and was not happy about!  After a couple of hours (yes, hours) we got things situated.  I was so exhausted I collapsed into bed.  I had not been feeling well prior to arriving at the hotel, so this situation didn’t improve things. 

But…the training – even the first day – was far beyond my expectations and it’s great.  There is already so much I can take back and implement now.  Thankfully, I had the foundation, however after I return home, I’m going to put other aspects into practice and work on building a thriving practice.

I was losing weight lately, but stress and fatigue got the best of me recently (with my son’s illness and preparation for upcoming training, so I regained the weight I lost!  I took a photo today with the trainer, Woody Mosten, a well respected mediator and the photo will be in this summer’s Association For Conflict Resolution (ACR) newsletter.  Yikes – I dislike taking photos – it really forces me to see how heavy I am and I’m not really photogenic (really – and I’m not saying that to get affirmations.  I don’t like taking photos and usually they’re not flattering)

Off for more reading!

K

What a rude wake up call. The tapping of hammers and the whirl of drills jolted me awake. Confusion clouded my mind as I looked around to estimate my surroundings. My body feels so heavy like I’m sunk into the bed (which is wonderfully comfortable by the way).

After my arrival, I picked up my rental car and drove towards what I thought were the diections to my hotel. LA has so many freeways to navigate that I wanted 2 be careful. You know what? I was so beside myself tired I drove to the college where I’ll be training and not my hotel. I read the wrong directions! 25 minutes later I’m trying to navigate my way to my intended destination. My eyes were burning and I clutched the steering wheel and refocused. It was not easy. After perhaps 15 minutes I made my way to the hotel. I brought my luggage to the room and although I couldn’t wait to fall out, I knew I needed to eat. My stomach was turning and my head was beginning to throb. After finding a decent meal (one of my favs that is not fast food), I took a hot showee. i actually had to lean on the walls a couple of times because I almost fell!

I sprayed the bed with lavender linen spray, played a relaxation sleep CD and fell out. It was after midnight.
My own body was a cruel clock as I woke many times throughout the night and stared through blurred eyes at the ceiling around 6. I managed to force myself back to sleep until the dreaded hammer and drill.

I checked in on my son. Dad says he’s doin ok. I’m praying for continued healing. I’ll be home tomorrow night to enjoy being with them on the weekend only to leave them again on Monday for five days. My friend reminded me that I’m doing this to support all of us. She is right and I know it too. I’m grateful for this journey as I stumble through it.

Signing off from my blackberry

K

i don’t think I can adequately express how tired I am. D has pnemonia. After I wrote my previous entry he slept for a total of 1 hour, 1 1/2 tops. I didn’t even get that. My poor son coughed so much. He almost cried in his sleep because of his struggle to breathe and the pain coughing was causing. It was heart breaking and despite all my techniques, I could only help him find minimal relief. We went 2 the dr and was at the office for at least 3 1/2 hours. Result? Pnemonia. Yep. He and I are so alike in that regards. I get it like prole catch a cold. I hate that its like that for him too. So after more meds, antibiotics, and treatments he seems to feel better. I hate that he has to take so much meds. We have a pharmacy at our house! He’s on a steroid which is helpful but unfortunate.

I am delirous right now. I’ve been a bit emotional because I didn’t want to leave him or my other sweeties but here I am sitting in the airport prepared to board my flight. Its difficult to leave them. I just have to remember Gods healing power and that my son will be okay. Each of the kids have expressed their disappointment about my trip. There have been some tears.

Yes, I should be sleeping.  I haven’t had a night of sleep over 5 hours.  Even if I went to bed right now, I would barely get four.  The kids will be up and at ‘em. 

There is so much to think aobut.  These next couple of weeks are going to be busy.  I’m excited and nervous about the workshop next week.  I’m especially relieved because I found a reasonable hotel that is new and quite luxurious.  The perfect balance.  As an added bonus, I was able to find a location that is within walking distance to my training.  I don’t plan on partying it up as there will be much work, reading, and study happening. 

I remember back in the day, I would party it up in LA.  Dancing – being on the big video screen at the Palladium dance club.  Dancing – hanging out at a celebrity salsa club.  Dancing – catching the eye of eligible bachelors.

My life is quite different now.  I still love dancing, but I don’t think I’ll be doing any of that while I’m gone (at least not this weekend ).

So as I’ve been partially packing, partially cleaning, keeping tabs on the kids (D’s asthma was acting up until about midnight), and when he has trouble with his breathing I can’t sleep well anyway.  He’s doing much better however I’m pretty wired.  So as I was going through some papers I found some notes that I thought I’d share.

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How often do you feel fear and frustration…those underlying anger emotions?

What can you do?

1. Take wise chances/choices


2. Form a cheering/support section


3. Appreciate the effort.  Every failure brings you a step closer to your next success (if you follow #1).


4. Name your villans (insecurity, fear, critical people, limited self-control, imaturity)

Do these factors rule your life?  Should they?

Know yourself – Be honest

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People who are stuck on themselves get stuck by themselves

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Forgiveness is mandated if you want to be free and have peace

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Depending on the level of hurt; people require different periods of healing and recuperation. 

My eldest son had a field trip to see our local AAA team.  It was the best day for it.  The weather was warm and there was a little breeze.  It was perfect…except for all the screaming kids around – lol.  My daughter went along as well.  She was happy and it was a celebration.  She got hired today for a company that is in the top 100.  She was thrilled and I’m so excited for her.  She’s getting ready for college and I really see her learning how to balance her life (work and school). 

I should have been in bed hours ago.  There is so much to do and sometimes it feels like not enough time.  Kids to school, business adminstration, field trip, client meeting, cooking, feeding, cleaning, showers, vacuuming, shampooing, dusting, helping with homework projects, laundry, replacing wall plates, kitchen cleaning, reading, research for upcoming workshops, travel planning, etc…

Another day is upon us.  What are you going to do?

Life has been pretty busy since my last posting and it surely will continue based on my scheduled events of the next few weeks.

The consistency of new client inquiries are continuing to come (Thank God), and I facilitated my 2nd Saturday co-parenting workshop.  I expected 5, but 3 people showed up.  That’s better than the last time as I only had one person attend.  At most, I have space for 10 people.  I’ll keep working and praying for God’s guidance and intervention to help my practice grow.  I’d love to see my teleclasses start to fill for Anger Mangement and Co-Parenting, and eventually, I’ll be offering a video series (class) for people to take the course 24/7.  That’s the goal.

I experienced an emotional trigger that brought up some deep seated sadness about my situation.  I knew, as I share with others, that painful responses or reactions are normal.  However it is not comfortable for some people to hear especially if they know, or have heard, the difficulties of the relationship.  It’s almost as if (my personal estimation) that if I respond with anything less than disdain or anger; it may be considered an inappropriate or unreasonable emotional response.  But let’s really evaluate that…

As I teach in one of my workshop that there is a grieving process that we all go through and there can be internal or external events (triggers) that can bring up unexpected emotions that you may have believed you’ve worked through.  It’s important to realize that it is okay to experience them – even for that moment – and give yourself to process it and keep moving forward.  We don’t all process them at the same time and there may be surprising situations or events that may impact you, temporarily, even years later. 

As a person in a field that works towards growth and healing, it is important to seek that for yourself as well to model the way.  I will never forget something my helper told me,

“The emotions that go on after a breakup, (even though I have logically said we are going to breakup and it’s the right thing to do, the plan is there), there are still tons of emotions – attached to the kids , the time you’ve been with the person, the way that that person can still hurt you even though you have broken up.

Just because I made the decision to leave doesn’t mean that my emotions shut off. Just because I have emotions of grief doesn’t mean that the relationship should work and I want (or should) to go back to it. There are still areas where I can be hurt very very deeply.

Why? This is a family, we have kids, there are memories, but at the same time we’ve got the memories of a family – it’s still at the emotional level in there within me. It doesn’t just shut off because I say or decide for it to be over. Just because I’m having the feelings doesn’t mean that I should go back to the relationship either. I need to be careful about not interpreting these powerful feelings as meaning that I should go back. Just because I decide that it’s over doesn’t mean that the feeling just go away.

What I need to do is move forward with what I know to be true about what I am doing and recognize that I will still take hard hits at the emotional level. But my emotions aren’t directing me towards the truth of what’s going on.” 

I know one of the challenges is for me that I am an optimist.  I do believe that if people are intentional, dedicated, self-sacrificing, accountable, responsible, and graceful they can reconcile their relationships.  I’ve seen couples with very destructive and hurtful relationships turn things around.   It took time with action.  I’m always impressed with that and it is something to be proud of. 

Time alone will not ever “heal all wounds”.  There needs to be realization, insight, maturity, and growth.  For me, my faith is at the center.  It has to be because that is where the standards come from.  Although we are ego-centric by nature, they have to be set aside in order to really focus on the betterment of the relationship and family.  Despite my last sentence, what that does require is self-evaluation and necessary change first.  It has to be more than desire, it requires different choices.  If it can’t come within; then it can’t really work.  We have free will.  We have a choice.  Daily you make it one way or another.  It’s up to you.

On a much lighter note:

My friend sent me this video – it is so funny to me!

Lastly, I wanted to thank all of you for the sweet comments about Donovan’s video.  He’s so proud of it.  If you didn’t get to see it, you can go to my youtube account to see it there – www.youtube.com/karendash.

Have a great day.  Happy Cinco de Mayo!

Have you ever been hurt by someone you love? Have you wanted to respect, trust, and believe in them again yet you might find it impossible to fathom? You may look at your past and the miserable things that happen, yet you fear the future and what potential pitfalls are there and you know what?…you’re not living in the present. You get stuck in this triangle of the past, the prediction of the future, and the present.

You know what the problem is? Is that we may spend too much time and energy on either side of what is happening in the here and now. It doesn’t mean you ignore the past because as we may have heard – it can be a good indicator of future behavior, but we shouldn’t spend so much time trying to predict what is going to happen. Anyone have a crystal ball? Do you really know what will happen in your future?

Do you use the past and the prediction of the future to keep you from living your life in the present? Does your fear of maturing, lack of discipline, diminished self-control, and refusal to let go of fear keep you captive? Are you not allowing yourself to love? Do you decline peace?

It’s pretty easy to do, but it is a conscious choice.

You can project blame about either side and keep yourself paralyzed in the middle so you don’t really live your life. You can feel safe in your self-induced sorrow and project blame onto life and those who are living it.

Sounds like a cop-out to me…

I’ve been doing a great deal of introspection, growth, and healing in my life and specifically within the past few years. Life has lobbed many challenges my way, but who doesn’t experience that? Headache and heartache has been a common theme, however perseverance allows peace to triumph from time to time.

As I educate myself and continue to grow, I believe I’ve developed a higher level of insight regarding relationships and perhaps it wouldn’t have been apparent to me if I had not have gone through this difficult and painful journey.
At core, I know that I am a good and loving person. I can be in a successful relationship and have history to prove it to be true. I have resolve in maintaining my standards and I see my falls (failings?) happen when I don’t stand firm on the values I believe. I open the door for unnecessary drama and pain when all I desire is a “simple life” with a husband, my children, and love, support, intimacy, laughter, experiences, challenges, and living the ups and downs of life with them.

If you look back at any “failed” relationship, could you determine what happen? Is it that values changed; you were overconfident about it, not adequately prepared, or unrealistic in your expectations? Did you dismiss or devalue the other person? Did they take you for granted? Was there an egregious act such as abuse, deceit, or infidelity that set the course towards dissolution?

If a relationship becomes destructive, endangers our human dignity, prevents us from growing, continually depresses and demoralizes us and we have done everything we can to prevents its failure, are we masochists to stay? Do we enjoy the misery? Or do you realize that the relationship doesn’t have the components that it needs to and terminate it?

Are all relationships capable of being saved? What has to happen? Is there a way to move past the pain, make choices based in self-control, discipline, sensitivity, value, morals, and maturity and not hurt the other person? Can you co-exist?

There are so many people in the world that are so detached, noncommittal – who are too blind, too insecure, too manipulative, and too afraid to admit to their confusion and unhappiness and too caught up in ego to risk doing anything positive about it. It’s sad that they continue down a road that leads to isolation and it devalues themselves, but it is an intentional choice they are making. Perhaps they don’t have the maturity or courage to turn it around. Who knows?

Healthy and loving relationships and intimacy is part of sustaining a good and productive life. There is a positive way of relating that brings physical, psychological, mental, and spiritual well being.

Instead when people are struggling they detach, hide, blame, and withdraw. Some engage in meaningless sexual promiscuity. Others maintain a deep emotional distance in the attempts to avoid pain.

What a waste…of time, energy, and effort. We do have a choice to make. People like to claim to the contrary, but it’s often based in fear. Tomorrow is not promised. Do not boast about tomorrow, For you do not know what a day may bring forth. – Proverbs 27:1

No relationship is going to ever be without conflict. It’s juvenile and unrealistic to think so. If you fear failure, it may be likely because you don’t have the courage to do what is necessary to create a life of successes (whatever it means to you). We are all evolving in one form or another.

Loving relationships, though necessary for life, health, and growth, are among the most complicated skills. We should develop an understanding of how they work and what we can do to enhance or even destroy them. Why don’t we go on this study? Do we think that there is no reason for examination? Could we perhaps learn from our past and apply it to the life you are living now?

Trial-and-error over the long haul will surely yield pain and disappointment. Isn’t it worth it to invest in yourself, your partner, your children, and your life to take on this study? It may require you to face some harsh realities of choices and consequences. You may need to make amends and set boundaries. This journey could increase more security, joy, love, and success than you’ve ever imagined. It hasn’t always been pleasurable, but I’m confident that each step I take on this path will better prepare me for all of my relationships. I know it’s done so much for my life right now and it’s been a blessing.

It’s been an eventful day.  I pray the evening will not be.

I generated a pretty intimidating to do list of projects not yet started, in process, and those long overdue…my day started pretty early…

Calls to make travel arrangements for two separate business trips (within 9 days) to Southern CA next month which includes my flight and finding an affordable hotel (ha ha) in la la land for 5 days.

Meeting with clients,

Picking up my baby from school due to a stomach bug,

Updating my material for my workshops,

“Babying” my baby during moments he’s awake watching cartoon network,

Compiling tests from recently facilitated courses,

Sending out certificates of completion,

Rubbing his tummy and kissing his forehead,

Responding to new inquiries regarding coaching and classes

Completing the painting job for my 1/2 bath – soon to be renamed “powder room”

Giving sips of water and pepto,

Laundry, dishes, vacuuming, shampooing carpets

Cooking, cleaning,

and…

While on an evening call with a client, my young one gets sick on my bed…

I hang up, clean him up, change his clothes, replace the bedding, (with tender kisses all throughout the process – and…get this…he apologizes for getting sick). 

My baby…my sweet boy.

It’s not my normal evening to have the kids.  God made it possible that I was with them.  I’m SO grateful.  I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

So now he lies peacefully next to me on my bed.  His breathing is slow and steady…his hands gently hold his favorite teddy bear over his heart. 

I love being a mom.